I need to make everyone aware that all names have been changed in this blog to protect the identity of all involved.
I received a phone call from the principal of the school I'm working at. The principal's name is Joy.
Joy began the phone call by saying
"Richard I don't know how to approach this subject so I'm just going to come straight out with it.". "After the children met with you they went back to their grade 5 classes and were saying some terrible things. Can you tell me what was discussed at the meet and greet?"
I knew where this was heading. It seems like this is the first time Joy had experienced anything like this. She was clearly uncomfortable. From my observations and experiences Joy is an excellent Principal. She is very efficient. Absolutely dedicated to the school and the students. She is very supportive of the staff and leads the teachers by encouraging innovative 21st century teaching methods.
I told Joy that I knew what she was referring to. I explained how one of the children's Mum's had met myself and my partner before. She asked me what my partner's name was and I told her. At this point the rest of the class realised I was in a same sex relationship. I explained that no other details were discussed and it was not my intention to bring this up at our first meeting.
Joy explained to me that my private life is my private life. She gave me an example of when she taught she only told students very minimal details of her private life. In some cases she didn't even share that she had children. I didn't ask the question "Did you tell the students you were married?" I'm sure that would have come up in conversation when she met the students.
I told Joy that I understand her concerns. I explained again that it wasn't my intention and that it took me by surprise. I told the students the bare minimum that they needed to know and changed the subject back to our class and our learning for 2011. However the fact their grade 6 teacher is gay was obviously all they cared about now.
Joy was a bit unsure of what to say now. She explained to me that this is something that I need to deal with in class. This would be a challenge for me. I told her I understood that.
This phone call reminded me of the days of being called into the Principal's office. The churning feeling in your stomach and the feeling that 'I've done something wrong'.
At the moment I am regretting telling the students I have a male partner. I am regretting not stopping the conversation and I think I have created a really tough year for myself and for the school I'll be working for.
I can't sleep at the moment and its on my mind constantly. I need to talk to someone about this.
If your private life is your private life, why does she think she can ring you at home and talk about it, and why do you have to address it in class? This is bordering on sexual harrassment.
ReplyDeleteOn a more positive note, you should get in touch with Anne Mitchell at the Australian research Centre in Sex, Health and Society in Melbourne, and get her to send you out some resources on talking about this sort of thing to kids - ARCSHS has done some great work on teaching sexuality and can support you with resources and training.
By grade six as much as some parents don't want to know, the kids know what gay is, hell I've walked past grade 1's going on about F*** and C*** etc the only way we can push past adversity is to not make an issue of it as you have done. You have done nothing wrong, even at a young age I always respected the teachers who where honest and didn't try to sugar-coat the actual issues that I was going to have to face at some point. Also if I was to have an example of a gay person with a settled healthy life, as a child I think my life would have been much better off then going through all the thoughts of, 'am I wrong... will it ever get better?', to have an example of that would have been nice growing up. Stress less, you've done nothing wrong!
ReplyDeleteHey,
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this. It's good to have4 this conversation out there.
I definitely get how this incident has burned itself into your brain. You want to be a good teacher and one simple word turned one of your students against you. It also seems the principal met your concerns with worry instead of support.
God knows I've had experiences like that When I've told a colleague, a friend or a family member that I wasn't straight, and their reaction made me want like hell to go back in time and shut myself up. And the more I thought it over, the more it imprinted itself into my brain, making me worry and regret more and more.
And yet over time it turns out to not be so bad. Friends apologise for reacting the way they did. Family members slowly come to terms with it. Colleagues forget the conversation even happened.
Who knows, maybe this could happen to you too. After a couple of weeks the giggling kids get over the novelty of it. A kid's parent tries to make a complaint and is shut down by a supportive school. A student eventually realises the way they reacted was rude and is admonished or apologises. Eventually kids' giggles and surprises turn into claims of pride - "Guess what? One of the teachers in the school is gay. How different/cool/weird is that!"
Sorry for rambling but in the end what I want to say that the fact you can't sleep and that the worry is growing and churning in your head is only happening because it feels like all you can do at the moment. The first day of school may present you with a completely different picture.
Oh, and my daughter is starting grade six this year, and I know she'd think it'd be brilliant to have a gay teacher. (actually she'd be happier to have any teacher than the one she had in grade five).
ReplyDeleteHi there!
ReplyDeletePlease don't be concerned, you have done nothing wrong and there are policies that can help you! In particular, both you AND your principal should check out the Victorian Department of Education's HR policy "Same-Sex Attracted Employees" (DEECD, updated 2010). The PDF is available here: http://www.safeschoolscoalitionvictoria.org.au/resource/same-sex-attracted-employees-deecd-policy
I think you should have a good read of it, it gives examples of exactly this sort of situation and how it should be handled by the principal and how parents/ children should be handled too. I'd email the principal the link, she will probably appreciate the advice (clearly it's new terrain for her, it was okay to be indirectly homophobic in old times I guess).
If you need support/ resources/ people who've "been there" please consider joining the Rainbow Network Mailing List (Vic, full of teachers and education leaders)or Safe Schools Coalition Victoria (for both individuals and whole schools committed to creating schools free of homophobia and safe for all) - email "Roz" on r.ward@latrobe.edu.au
Best of luck,
Tiffany
Actually this is a link straight to the pdf file itself, for those interested:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.safeschoolscoalitionvictoria.org.au/sites/default/files/Same-sex_Attracted_Employees_0.pdf